My Dear Supervillain

“This can't go on, Mallow.”

“I'm sorry, professor, but my books were—”

“Stolen, yes, I know. But you're falling behind.” Ron knotted her fingers anxiously. She knew this was coming. Her grades had begun to slip because of her missing books. Even after robbing a bank, Ron hadn't had enough money to buy new texts. She'd paid her rent and bought some food before her purse was stolen, but it wasn't enough to get her back in scholarly shape.

“I should have new books by next week,” Ron said meekly.

“Darn right, you should,” the professor snapped. “I'd hate to see your perfect GPA ruined by robbery. Everyone has high expectations for you, so see that you don't let us down.”

“Of course, professor.” Ron bowed and took her leave. May, Ron's dumpy yet charming classmate, waved at her from across the hall. Ron numbly waved back and continued on her way.

Everyone expected great things from her? What fools. Ron knew her future like she knew the back of her hand. She would be caught some day by some arrogant superhero, and she'd be executed for her heinous crimes. And all those charities she'd donated to, all those people she tried so hard to help, they'd shake their heads and wonder if somehow they'd been aiding injustice. Ron's fate had been sealed from the moment her shadows claimed a human life, from before a time when she knew how to walk and speak. She delayed the inevitable, tried to repay her debt to humanity, but she knew it wouldn't matter in the end.

Maybe Ron would go uncaught until she graduated. Maybe she would be a prosecutor and live out her dream of keeping people like herself off the streets. She'd been lucky for 24 years so far, but her reputation as a villain was spreading. Her brush with Mystic was probably just the tip of the iceberg.

“They haven't caught me yet,” Ron reminded herself. “So all I can do is my best!” Resolving to rob another bank that evening, Ron retired from the campus for the day.

Leo clunked up to the front door, sagging and drooping like a wet washrag. It felt as a great weight was on his back. Perhaps gravity was exceptionally strong today. “I need a new job…” He also needed to wash his face. A particularly grouchy customer had yelled at him the whole half-hour before he clocked out, and she was the type that spat as she spoke.

Just as he was about to wave his microchip arm in front of the scanner to clock out, the door shot up into the roof.

“Oh!” Ron exclaimed. “Sorry, Leo, just heading out, and…” Leo stared balefully at her. “… And… ugh. Okay, what's your problem? You look like gravity's getting the best of you.”

“Rough day at work,” Leo groaned.

“You say that every day.”

“It's true every day.”

“You need a new job.” Leo sneered and squeezed his way in the door, falling dispassionately to the couch. Ron tsked loudly. “Aren't you at least going to change out of your smelly clown uniform?”

“In a minute…” Ron smiled, stepped back, and let the door shut behind her. “Hey Ron, I've been wondering. Where's all your money come from? Inheritance? Bottomless pit savings account?” He opened his eyes. Finding Ron gone, he shut them again and drifted off to sleep.

“This is it,” Ileana whistled. “The complete index of 'magical girl' artificial super powers granted by Enercrystal.” Ron leaned over Ileana's shoulder to peek at the list, but her friend's strawberry-scented hair was in her way. “It's more than I thought. It looks like these super-powered geisha can rival natural-born superheroes.” Ron blew Ileana's hair out of the way and beheld the list.

“Wow…” Ron's eyes flew over the page. The list dated back to the first magical girls of Japan, 'mahou shoujo' and 'majokko', nearly six hundred years ago. There used to be hundreds of them! Some were accompanied by magical boys or magical pets, but it seemed the girls got all the best powers. And what powers they had! Transformation seemed to be the most popular ability, but some could fire lasers or control elements; some could change people's emotions at will or wield incredible physical strength; most powers were described as 'flashes of color that reduce enemies to glitter dust.' Ron read down the list in awe. And to think, I've been using this same power source in my hoverdisk! “Hey, how come there were so many back then but now there's only a few of them?”

“Because Enercrystal is politically incorrect,” Ileana muttered. “Nobody wants to associate themselves with those pricks. As soon as people knew where magical girls got their power, they were stamped out.”

Ron frowned to herself. “So how are we gonna find a magical girl to help us? If there are any left, they'll support the Enercrystal industry.”

Ileana sank into her chair, green eyes darkened with thought. “We won't ask for their help,” the environmentalist mused. “We won't tell them what we're really after. We'll infiltrate their ranks, learn their secrets, and use their power to save the world… whether they like it or not.”

Ron drummed her fingers on the desk skeptically. “I dunno. I wouldn't want to be on their bad side. I don't like the idea of being turned into glitter dust.”

Ileana's green eyes flashed cleverly at Ron. “You don't have to worry about that. As soon as we drain all the Enercrystals, the magical girls will be powerless.” As much as Ron didn't like it, Ileana's idea was plausible. The redhead turned off her computer and tucked int back into her bag. “I gotta get going, Ron, but remember… you can't tell a soul what we're up to!”

The sun was low in the sky by the time Leo woke up. He was annoyed to notice that he hadn't changed out of his orange trousers and green suspenders. The couch would surely smell like Gwendy's forever more. “Hey Ron, you back yet?” Leo called. No answer. That's funny, she should be home by now… At least there were four more hours until curfew.

Four hours for Leo to read comics!

Leo plucked up the book from the top of his couch-side pile. There, on the cover, was a portrait of the beautiful Amaryllis. He'd already read ahead of himself. He knew the story by heart. Amaryllis was forced to shoot her supervillain father, Dr. Vorpial. She dedicated herself to the cause of justice, eventually becoming a hero in her own right. Leo had long admired her; personal tragedy had only made her stronger in the end. Too bad reality was seldom like that.

Leo was suddenly disgusted with himself. He'd suffered a sudden tragic loss, he had the burning need for revenge and the power to take it; he had a loathing for laws and cared only for personal gain; he fit the profile of a budding supervillain. Nightshade was still out there somewhere, lurking in the shadows, preying on the innocent. Was Leo content to sit around reading comic books while real villains were off hurting real people?

His work uniform came off.

His other work uniform came on.

The Wailing Wonder had higher priorities than comic books.

Antiopolis was peaceful. Perhaps too peaceful. How do other superheroes find villains? Wailing Wonder contemplated as he roamed the streets. Do they listen to police radios, or something? As it was, he could find nothing amiss as he wandered through the concrete jungle. He felt more and more foolish by the minute. People stared at him, as they typically stared at superheroes. Some of them seemed amused by his appearance. He recalled how Nightshade had stared in horror at him… Maybe the music-note codpiece is a bit too extreme?

Wailing Wonder recalled how Mystic found villains to bust. Sometimes he would fly over the city and watch everything from above. Sometimes he would lock himself in his bedroom and come out knowing where to go. Wailing Wonder never did understand how the second method worked. Maybe Mystic had some special surveillance machines or some other super powers that he kept secret… Either way, Leo was limited to walking around and hoping he'd be in the right place at the right time.

With nothing else to do, he got a soda from a vending machine and sat on a bench. Everyone else was milling about, minding their own business. Nothing villainous going on here. If I could only fly like Mystic…

“LIES!” a voice cried. Wailing Wonder glanced up. A superhero came running down the street, suit torn, hair disheveled. Isn't that Dynamoman, from the Herd of Heroes? “Lies, all LIES!” DynamoMan howled. “They're planning a takeover! You can't trust them! Unite now or fall!”

Dynamoman rushed past Wailing Wonder, who only stood gawking. “What the…”

“The Herd of Heroes is making a super army! They'll overthrow the government! Ma'am—” the raving hero stopped and grabbed a passing pedestrian by the hand. “Ma'am, you have to believe me! The Herd of Heroes is allied with the Jovian pirates! Take a stand while you have legs!” The woman only blinked in shock. Dynamoman dropped her hands and raced around the corner. Wailing Wonder heard his voice echoing over the buildings. “Lies! Lies! Liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiies!” his voice eventually faded from Wailing Wonder's earshot.

The street was unusually quiet.

“… Poor crazy bastard,” someone sighed. The crowd muttered their agreement and continued milling about like normal. Wailing Wonder shook his head. I always thought Dynamoman was the stable kind of hero…

“Wailing Wonder!” The superhero nearly jumped out of his skin. His worries were justified— it was a cop! Am I gonna have to pay more fines for blowing up the bank? But the cop didn't have the arrogant strut of a man about to do business. He jogged up waving as if Wailing Wonder were an old friend. “Hey, dude! You busy?”

Wailing Wonder crunched his empty soda can. “Er, yeah. I just saw a rogue superhero go 'round the corner. Gotta go do the hero thing now. Gotta go save the day, n'stuff. Make sure he doesn't hurt anybody in his insanity,” Wailing Wonder lied. He tossed his empty soda can in the recycle bin and got up to leave, but the cop caught him by the shoulder.

“Don't run away! I'm on break, dude, you're not in trouble.”

“… Dude?” Wailing Wonder repeatedly dumbly. Cops don't say 'dude,' do they? “What's this about?”

The cop smiled kindly. “You seem kinda lost.”

“No way. I'm at 223^rd and Flint, two blocks from a major bus route.”

“I mean the whole hero business. You seem lost.” The cop seemed to be earnest. His face seemed awfully familiar… “I'm Simon Chambers, by the way! Dungeon Master and public servant! We met the other day, remember?” He extended his hand for a shake, but Wailing Wonder didn't accept it. Simon's cheer seemed to fade a little. “Don't be a dick, dude. I'm on your side.”

The Wailing Wonder stared down at his shoes. He didn't want to admit it, but Officer Simon was right. He was completely lost when it came to being a superhero. As a sidekick, all he ever did was wait until Mystic signaled him for assistance. He'd never had the task of finding trouble or dealing with villains once they were submissive.

“You're new, right?” Simon queried. Wailing Wonder nodded, but refused to look at the cop. “Thought so. We keep tabs on super-powered vigilantes like you, but we never even heard of you 'til we found you splattered on the sidewalk.” The Wailing Wonder was sorely tempted to shorten Simon's long nose with a hard punch. He didn't need yet another reminder of that nasty failure. “Still, you look familiar. Mystic's sidekick, right?”

“So what? Are you here to give me advice?”

“Sure.”

“What's your advice, then?”

“Burn your costume and become a singer while you're still young and pretty.” The hubbub of the city seemed quieter all of a sudden. The Wailing Wonder could only gape at Officer Simon in enraged disbelief. How could anybody suggest, so bluntly, that Leo should give up on everything he believed in? “Look at yourself, dude,” Simon persisted. He planted himself firmly on the bench beside Wailing Wonder. “You're just wandering around in circles, hoping to find trouble. And what happens when you really do face a villain? You get laughed at and thrown out the window! You're only alive because Nightshade felt sorry for you. Drop the hero act before you get yourself killed.”

The Wailing Wonder didn't know what to say. His mind just couldn't generate appropriate words— all it came up this was a list of obscenities. “I… I have to get Nightshade,” he eventually sputtered.

The cop immediately balked. “Whoa there, dude. You should at least start with a smaller catch. She's a dangerous one.” After a moment's hesitation, Simon asked, “Why Nightshade? How come Mystic's letting you do something so stupid?”

“It's none of your business,” Wailing Wonder snapped. “Why are you a cop? Why are you even talking to me?!” Simon stared blankly at him. “Why don't you just go away? Go away and let me figure this out on my own!”

“Dude… Does Mystic even know what you're doing?” Wailing Wonder buried his masked face in his hands. This cop was asking all the wrong questions, the ones Leo couldn't bear to answer. If this conversation didn't end soon, there would be yelling, followed by a crater where Simon once sat.

“He's gone,” Wailing Wonder whispered.

“What?”

“Mystic's GONE, okay?” Simon's hat was blown off by the wind of Wailing Wonder's barely controlled volume. “Mystic's gone and ran away like a chicken, all because of Nightshade! He meant everything to me, and she took him away like it meant nothing!” The angsty superhero didn't care that Simon had his hand on the holster of his gun. “Don't you tell me I'm supposed to let her go! I'm not waiting for some bureaucratic pig like you to put her on trial! Next time I find that murderous bitch, I'm gonna… Gonna…”

People were staring with wide eyes. Some were slowly backing away from him. The Wailing Wonder suddenly realized that he sounded like every other hero gone bad, and they probably expected him to blow up in a homicidal rage. He was almost in the mood to do so. But somewhere, in the back of his mind, there was a voice reminding him that he was supposed to be a hero. Heroes didn't go around screaming at cops or cussing in public, and they certainly didn't scare ordinary citizens off the street.

“I can't forgive her,” he finished lamely. He could feel his face burning and his palms sweating. There wasn't a word in that monologue that made him look like a good guy. In fact, if Nightshade were to drop dead as a pure coincidence, the blame would surely fall on him…

Simon smiled and slapped Wailing Wonder's shoulder, albeit cautiously. “Alright, dude. Just don't do anything Mystic wouldn't.” The Wailing Wonder couldn't keep looking into the cop's eyes. He stared down at his feet in shame. Ranvir would've made him sleep on the couch if he'd heard that. He would've gotten a long lecture on morality. “If you're serious about being a superhero, you should probably find others like you and learn from them. Good luck, dude.”

Wailing Wonder didn't watch as Simon stood up to leave. He plucked a couple dandelions from the bunch at his feet and spun them in his hands.

“Oh! Dandelions!” Simon suddenly exclaimed. Wailing Wonder nearly dropped the flowers in surprise. “Those will work perfectly. You'll be a proper hero now, dude!” The cop yanked the flowers from Wailing Wonder's hands.

“The hell are you going on about, mate?”

“These should help,” Officer Simon announced. A very peculiar smile hung on his lips. “A dandelion of super-power control, plus four… And a dandelion of finding the right target!” He tucked the flowers behind Wailing Wonder's ears and surveyed the result. The flowers matched the Wailing Wonder's blue and yellow costume, but…

“Did you forget your medication this morning, officer?”

Night began to fall over Antiopolis. Clouds gathered over the northern areas of the city; big, dark clouds that threatened to dump rain and lightning on the people below. There would be no orange twilight glow on this night, only gray fading to black. Shops were closing early in preparation for the storm.

Ron waited until the rains started before becoming Nightshade. Tucked away beneath the shadows, she didn't feel the touch of water. With her eyes glowing like lanterns, she could see through the rain and the shadows of the night. If she didn't have perfect night vision, she wouldn't have considered going out at night… But she only had night vision as Nightshade, so her night activities were limited to crime.

The few people left on the streets were oblivious to her. While the shadows blurred her form and let her blend in with the darkness, the rain made her nearly invisible.

Tonight's target was, once again, Triumph Bank. This particular building was a mere two blocks from the last one she'd robbed. Why switch banks when Triumph was so convenient? And if any more superheroes caught her, well, that would be their problem.

The window opened for her.

The safe didn't put up much of a fight.

The stolen credits fit perfectly into her bag.

Just as Nightshade went to the door to leave…

“OW!” Nightshade turned to see a skinny guy dressed in blue and yellow with his face on the floor and one leg caught in the window. That spiky hair, those music-note shoulder pads, that horrible yellow codpiece… It was the Wailing Wonder! She couldn't believe it. This one wimpy little sidekick catches her in the act twice in a row, and he makes the same mistake again? Does this kid have a death wish?

“Gotcha!” Shadows plucked a struggling Wailing Wonder off the floor and gagged him. Nightshade held him up to her face and smiled brightly, meeting her glowing white eyes with his angry brown ones. Just above his mask, she could see faint traces of a bruise, presumably from their last encounter. “I didn't think I'd ever see your mask again, after the beating I gave you last time. Argh, would you hold still?!” Wailing Wonder didn't cease his wriggling, so she tightened her grasp on him until she felt him grit his teeth in pain and go still. “That's better.” He coughed through the shadows and glared at her coldly, to no effect— Nightshade had already won this round and they both knew it. “Listen, Wailing Wonder. You're never gonna get me, so stop this hero charade before you get hurt.”

Beneath his blue and yellow mask, Leo choked. Being crushed hurt, and he couldn't breath quite as well as he would've preferred, but Nightshade's words burned. Officer Simon said he didn't have what it takes, Nightshade pitied him, nobody else had ever heard of the Wailing Wonder— was Ranvir the only one who had faith in him, even when he was all the way on Ganymede?

Nightshade extended her hand and touched Wailing Wonder's mask. “You made this thing out of cardboard?” Wailing Wonder's brown eyes got a lot more shiny, all of a sudden. “Whoa! Are those tears? Are you crying?” The Wailing Wonder tried to turn away but couldn't. How embarrassing… Nightshade sighed and loosened her grip on him a little. “You're just too pathetic, Wailing Wonder. Like a lost puppy or something. I'd feel bad if I hurt you.” She couldn't just let him go, though… could she? He'd attack her the second she let go, unless she gave him a reason not to… She flooded the room with darkness, obscuring the security cameras and unplugging their audio connections. “I left the safe open. Why don't you help yourself to a little loot, get yourself a new mask and maybe a better haircut? Let bygones be bygones? It'll look like I took a few more credits than usual. Nobody will know.”

“Mmph.”

“You're welcome.” The shadows unfurled and allowed Wailing Wonder to land back on his blue-booted feet. The young man seemed petrified. He couldn't see in the dark, but Nightshade could pick out every bead of sweat on his face. “You'd better hurry. The cops will be here soon. From what I saw on the news, your last encounter with them wasn't too friendly.”

The Wailing Wonder tried to tune her out, but he was failing. She was offering him money? Money that wasn't hers to give, but money? Money that could save Valerie, buy real food and comics?

“Anybody home?” Nightshade snapped in his face. Wailing Wonder blinked. All he could see in the darkness were Nightshade's glowing white eyes. She looked like a monster. No, she was a monster! For ten nasty seconds, he'd considered giving in to this demon with honey on her forked tongue. She was really just paying him to forget Ranvir, and he couldn't do that.

Wailing Wonder drew his gun.

A chair came flying at him from the side. “Meep!” He ducked out of the way, only to be seized by giant shadow fingers. Their cold grip was crushing him again, and no matter how he kicked and flailed, the black mass would tatter into nothingness and reform undamaged. The gun fell from his sweaty fingers. The darkness had faded from the room, and he could pick out Nightshade's form across the room. There was something forming in between them— a gigantic shadow spike? As it pointed towards him, the Wailing Wonder choked in a desperate breath… and screamed.

The shadow spike seemed to get fuzzy like static, waver, and dissolve like the morning fog.

Both Nightshade and Wailing Wonder stared, aghast, at the place where the spike had been. The other day, her shadows were unaffected by his voice, but now…

“What did you do?” Nightshade whispered.

Wailing Wonder touched the dandelion behind his ear. “A dandelion of super-power control, plus four…” Even yelling as loud as he'd dared, the building was undamaged. He'd somehow managed to focus it all on a target, something he never thought was possible! Thank you, Officer Simon! With this newfound ability in mind, he met Nightshade's shocked gaze with a vicious sneer. “You're dead, Nightshade. Dead!”

He took a deep breath.

Nightshade ran.

“Hey! Don't you turn your back on—” he dodged a flying desk, “— on me!” She was already out the door! Cursing, the Wailing Wonder took off in pursuit. It was pitch black outside. The rain fell so thick, all that could be heard was its constant drumming. It wasn't that much harder to see now than it was a few minutes ago, so why couldn't he see Nightshade anywhere?

“Gotcha again!” Wailing Wonder looked to his side, caught a glimpse of white eyes, and got smashed face-first into a puddle. As he spat out mud and sat up, he felt all confidence falter. When she punched him, she'd seized Officer Simon's dandelion from behind his ear, and she now inspected the flower with suspicion.

“Give that back!” He dove at her legs and got a mouthful of boot.

“Give up, already!” She crushed the flower beneath her heel. “What was that, a good luck charm from your sweetie? She'll have more flowers for you soon enough, at your funeral!” She raised her shadow hand to strike. There was a bright flash of lightning and a great boom of thunder.

Nightshade yelped and ducked to the ground.

“Huh?” Wonder sputtered. She's scared of lightning? She made no move, other than shaking like jelly.

“Hehehe…” It wasn't Nightshade laughing.

Wailing Wonder whirled around to see a large figure standing right behind him. The rain obscured the stranger, but the distinct shape of a battle axe hung from his beefy hands. “Wha—? Who are…?” The hulking stranger raised his axe and swung it— straight at the Wailing Wonder! The aforementioned superhero shrieked like a little girl and dove to the pavement. Just before the axe hit, it vanished into the rain. The stranger tattered and faded into nothingness. “… Huh?” There was nobody there! The Wailing Wonder turned back to Nightshade, only to find her gone as well. Gone, with Triumph Bank's money in her pocket. He felt his face burn as he realized he'd been duped. It seemed that Nightshade could form any shape with her shadows, even make fake people. If it hadn't been raining so hard, maybe Wailing Wonder would have noticed that the stranger had no color…

He'd failed again, even after Officer Simon gave him such an advantage.

Heart in his feet, Wailing Wonder retrieved his gun and stumbled home in the pouring rain.

Twenty feet away, Officer Simon peered out from behind a dumpster at Wailing Wonder's retreating form. Rain dripped off his shiny cap and long nose. “Are you sure? Absolutely positive?” he whispered into his radio.

The voice on the other end of the line crackled. “They're the ones.”

Simon rubbed his aching temples. “You should send someone else after them. Neither of them will trust a cop like me.”

The voice rumbled and buzzed in the radio. “I'm sure you can do this, my pupil. And if you can't… well, you'll be easy to replace.” Simon gulped. “The mission deadline is November 16^th. Good luck. End transmission.” As the line went dead, Simon stood and stretched. Four months should be plenty of time, but I don't even know how to start this mission.

Wailing Wonder finally turned and walked out of sight. Simon tipped his hat to the defeated sidekick. “I'll make a real hero out of you yet. That's a promise, dude.”

“How do you like it so far?”

“The house, or your grandson?” Twelve floors to go. Ron shifted her balance slightly to the right, making sure not to drop the tiny old lady with purple hair. “The house is nice, but Leo's a big ball of stress. Hates his job, hates his life… I'm actually a bit worried about him.”

“There's a lot to hate about that boy,” Leo's grandma sighed. She clung tightly to Ron's gray-clad shoulder as they rounded another corner on the stairs. “You both need to relax. Why don't you go to the fair tomorrow? Take a day off?”

“Hmmm…” The fair did sound like fun. A chance to spend a little money, get a little sunshine… Ron did the math in her head, calculating if she had stolen enough money to blow it on the fair. Take out the cash for schoolbooks and charities, maybe take some more out to get dishes and furniture… . She'd have a few credits to burn, but only a few. “I'd have to drag Leo away from Gwendy's. He's stuck to that place like glue.”

“I'm sure he wants a break just as much as you do,” the old woman pointed out.

“Yeah.” Ron smiled to herself. “Shame. I'd love an excuse to burn down Gwendy's…”

“I'd love an excuse to burn down Gwendy's.”

“Don't say that, Peller. Somebody might take you seriously.” The manager glared suspiciously at Leo.

Leo ran his fingers through his scruffy blond hair. “Relax, Kevin. I'm not really gonna burn the place down. And if it does happen to burst aflame, I won't be the one holding a torch.” The manager still stared at him, horror welling up on his greasy features. “What?”

Manager Kevin looked to see if anyone was eavesdropping, and leaned forward to whisper in Leo's ear. “It's… It's true, what Bob said yesterday?”

“About what?”

“Are you really a…” Another furtive glance around. “… a supervillain?” Leo flinched and took a deep, calming breath. Part of him wanted to scream at the manager for even suggesting such a thing, but most of him wanted to avoid getting fired and/or arrested.

“No,” Leo said coldly. “No, it's not true. If I had powers, I'd probably use them for better things than hurting people.” Actually, so far, Leo had done nothing but hurt people with his powers. He'd even killed… Don't think like that! You're a superhero! “At least, I'd try really hard not to hurt people.” I've tried so hard to kill Nightshade! Leo would've banged his head on the wall if it wouldn't be so incriminating.

Kevin ceased not to glare suspiciously. “You look a lot like that fire-casting guy…”

“Huh?” Leo reeled through his memories of supervillains… “Rex Torcher? I look like a brawny nine-foot tall guy with four flaming arms?!”

Kevin scowled. “No, the other guy, with a red bug costume. Firefly.”

“Oh.” Come to think of it, I do look a lot like him… “He's on death row. Mystic and his sidekick put him there,” Leo pointed out smugly.

Manager Kevin nodded to himself. “Well, that's nice to know, because…” With a flick of his wrist, he sent his cleaver into the cutting board on the other side of the room, slicing open a box of burger patties with uncanny precision. “… I don't take kindly to super-folk.” Leo smiled carefully. “Yeah, Peller, you know what I'm talkin' about! They're all the same. Doesn't matter if they call themselves heroes or villains, they're all after the lifeblood of the common man. Doesn't matter who gets in their way, as long as somebody catches it on camera when they win the fight. At least the villains don't pretend they care.”

Don't scream, Leo. Don't stop smiling. Pretend he's wearing a frilly pink dress.

Kevin looked at the clock. “Hey, you're supposed to be back on shift now. Get back to your window.”

Leo kept on smiling. “I'll try not to hold the customers for ransom.”

“Peller…”

“Going! Going!”

Ron couldn't contain herself. It was childish. Irrational. She was twenty-four— surely the novelty of going to a fair would be dull to her by now! But no; she sat, jittering, waiting for Leo to come home so she could waylay him and force fun down his throat. Should I invite Ileana to come with us? No, this should be all about me and Leo!

Five o'clock. He usually came home at five fifteen. Ron found herself having a staring contest with her watch. Get over it! She laughed to herself. What are you, twelve? I've never been to a fair before, but that's no excuse! The time was five after five. Ron jumped up and smoothed out her skirt, then glanced at her reflection on the balcony window. What should she say to Leo when he came home…? “Why, Leo, you look so tired! Why don't you take the day off tomorrow?” That sounded a bit odd. “Welcome home! Say, I heard the fair's open, and I know you could really use a break…” Closer, but not quite right. Ron put on her serious face and planted her hands on her swaying hips. “Leo, I'm kidnapping you. If you ever wanna be free again, the ransom is two admission tickets to the fair.” She managed to glare at her reflection for about three seconds before bursting into squeaky, girlish giggles.

“Leonardo is home,” the house announced. Ron suppressed her giggles and faced the door, her mind still abuzz with ideas. The door slid into the ceiling.

Leo stood in the doorway, drooping like a damp rag. He was dripping strawberry milkshake onto the nice, clean floor. Tomatoes and sliced pickles appeared to have glued themselves to his clown-like clothes, which bore distinct mustard stains, and several red marks that could be either ketchup or blood. His eyes seemed hollow.

“… Leo?” He swept into the house like the plague. Without even a glance at Ron, he drifted to the bathroom, not bothering to close the door or remove his clothes before collapsing into the bathtub. Ron peeked in at him as he turned on the water. “Hey, the curtains aren't shut. You're getting water everywhere.” Leo clearly didn't care that the walls were going to be stained orange after this diluted condiment bath. Ron wasn't sure he even heard her at all. She approached with caution. Only when she sat at the edge of the tub did he seem to notice her.

“Ronnie… I think there's something seriously wrong with my life.” He lurched up, blinking against the water that sprayed in his eyes. Ron suspected there were tears mixed in there.

Her tingly, joyous mood completely evaporated. She plucked a tomato off of Leo's green suspenders. “Everyone has crappy days. Everyone. And it's no good waiting for a hero to come save you, because they won't.” The scruffy blond wiped the milkshake off his face. “I'd know. I've been through a lot of crap, and I kept hoping somebody would come save me, but nobody ever did…”

Leo sniffled loudly and seized the shower nozzle, washing away the rest of the milkshake. His hair hung in his eyes. “What did you do about you problems?”

Ron smiled bitterly. “Not enough. I've lost everything and everyone, as you know. But I've started saving myself instead of waiting for a knight in shining armor, and things are starting to come together.”

Leo laughed coldly. It didn't reach his eyes, and it sounded more like an angry dog's bark. “What if I were a superhero? What then?”

“I'd wonder where you've been all my life.” And then I'd tear you limb from limb. Ron tried to imagine Leo as a superhero, but nothing came to mind. “What would your power be— the ability to dodge milkshakes?” She bent to give him a joking slap on the shoulder, only to slip on the wet rim of the tub and fall on him. “Yeep!” Ron's hand landed on the slick tub bottom. Her jaw bounced on Leo's shoulder. He caught her by the knee, only an inch away from his crotch. “Ummm…” Even though the shower was blasting cold water on her back, she could feel her cheeks burning. “I meant to do that!”

“You meant to knee me in the nads?!”

“No, I… I…” She glared into his grim brown eyes. All of a sudden, she wanted to strangle him with the shower hose. He was the living embodiment of misery. It was always a dark and stormy night with him around, and he'd only been happy in the short hours that they watched monsters destroying things in movies. Her hands were drawn towards his throat…

She seized him by the collar and kissed him.

“I'm kidnapping you,” she informed him, smirking at his expression of complete shock. “You're not going back to Gwendy's until I hear a sincere laugh come out of those lips.” She extracted herself from the tub and shook her dripping head. “You'd better clean yourself up and go to bed, because I'm gonna drag you around the fair tomorrow, and you're gonna enjoy life even if it kills you!” With that, she seized a towel, marched out of the bathroom, and slammed the door behind her.

“Well,” Ron told the walls, “That didn't quite go according to plan.”

The following morning…

“LADRONA MALLOW!”

Ron flinched but kept her eyes glued to the pages of her book. “Yes, Leonardo Peller?”

“What have you done?!” Leo dropped his alarm clock on the table beside her. The device was no longer operational, and the alarm had clearly stopped working before it was supposed to go off.

Ron lowered the book just enough to show her narrow eyes. “It was just a low-frequency disrupter ray. It'll start working again in a couple hours.” Ron picked up her book again, trying hard not to laugh or show amusement at Leo's look of insane rage. “Fix your face already.”

“I was supposed to be at work an hour ago!”

“No, you weren't.”

“What?! Yes, I was!”

“That hoverdisk accident you got into last night was awful,” Ron purred. “You're lucky nothing got broken, but the doctor insisted that you take at least one day off, to make sure you don't suffer from whiplash.”

Leo slammed a fist on the table. “What are you talking about?!”

“I told your boss you got in a nasty accident last night, so you're taking the day off. Coffee?” She poured Leo a cup, languidly skimming over the pages of her book. Leo didn't accept it. He marched to the front door. It didn't open for him, so he pressed the 'open' button. It didn't budge.

“House, open the front door!” Leo commanded the terminal angrily. The door remained closed. “Ladrona, what kind of sick joke is this?” Ron took a big gulp of coffee and turned the page. Leo gave the button another desperate push. “House, run a voice analysis and run commands! I am Leonardo Peller!”

“Error 53452,” the house replied. “No command entered.”

“Open the door!”

“Error 876. There is no door.”

“Yes there is! It's right in front of me!” Leo kicked the door and turned back to Ron, who was still as cool as a cucumber and looking quite pleased with herself. Don't scream at her, don't scream at her, don't scream at her! Leo had to take quite a few deep breaths to bring himself out of panic mode. “Ronnie,” Leo whispered, “What did you do?”

“I just used the disrupter on the door. It should start working again in a couple hours.” Still wheezing in an attempt to curb his rage, Leo sat back down at the table and glowered at Ron. “Are you gonna drink your coffee?”

Leo's fists knotted. “There's a word for all this, Ronnie… kidnap.”

“I said I'd kidnap you, didn't I? Did you think I was joking? You need a break, Leo. You've been looking worse and worse every day, but last night was the last straw. Besides, it was your grandma's idea that we should go to the fair. It'll be my treat.”

Leo buried his face in his hands. “My boss is gonna be so pissed…”

“Your boss thinks you're hurt. If he holds that against you, he can go hang himself by his lacy pink underwear.” Ron bookmarked her page and chugged the last of her coffee. “Well! Now that you're awake, I suggest you shave and get dressed. I don't mind seeing you half naked, but they might kick you off the fairgrounds for it.”

“What if I get fired?!”

“Don't get your hopes up. I hear it's hard to escape the fast food industry.” Leo banged his head against the table and didn't bother to pull it back up. “Whatever. I'm gonna run to the store for snacks and sunscreen. You'd better be ready to go when I get back.” As she climbed out the window and barricaded it behind her, she mentally added, You'd better still be here, too…

“She's doing WHAT?”

Leo rinsed out his razor and felt over his chin. Still all covered in stubble. “She's forcing me to skip work and go to the fair with her! The nerve!” There was silence on the other line. Leo's razor blade was dull, but he couldn't afford another. “She disabled my clock, the door, the phone… I had to call you on the emergency backup one I used to use on missions.”

The deep voice on the other end of the line crackled. “Maybe she's got the right idea.”

Leo flicked the shaving cream off his razor. “No, she doesn't! I need to go to work, I need the money! Besides, she acts as if we're going out on a date!”

“Is she hot?”

“Ranvir… she's a chick.” Leo tried to run a comb through his hair and gave up.

“But is she hot?”

“Do you want me to hang up on you?”

“I'm not saying you should jump in bed with her. I just think you need some sort of human contact other than unsatisfied customers.” Leo glared at the phone. “I know what you do when you're lonely. You talk to your reflection and photos of your mom. I can't just sit here on Ganymede, not knowing if you're okay.”

“So come back.”

More silence. Leo kicked off his boxers and rummaged through his dresser for a clean pair. Ranvir sighed. “Leo… You don't need me as much as you think you do.”

Leo zipped up his pants and tried to keep his voice even. “You think I'm totally helpless without you, don't you?”

“I didn't say that.”

“Well, I can practically hear your thoughts! Poor little Leo! Poor abandoned sidekick, all alone and lonely, with nobody to talk to but photos of his dead mommy,” Leo snarled. “Is that why you hardly ever let me go on missions with you? You think I need a babysitter, that I can't handle the real world?”

Ranvir's tone was stern. “I didn't keep you away from anything. You keep holding yourself back!”

“At least I didn't run like a coward!”

Silence.

Leo groaned and splashed cold water on his face. He'd heard the echo of his words and boy, was that embarrassing. He knew Ranvir had made the right choice, but he couldn't forgive him. Not for leaving him, not for letting him down. And he couldn't forgive Nightshade, even if she give him chance after chance to do so. “Ranvir, I…”

“You need to go to the fair and take a break.”

“I can't just go back to being friends like this.”

Far away, on Ganymede, Ranvir was rubbing his aching head. “Fine. I didn't think you'd take it this well, actually. But if you ever need to talk—”

“I'll call a different psychiatrist.” Leo hung up.

The ring Ranvir gave him sparkled brightly on his finger and caught his eye. Leo wrenched it off his finger and threw it somewhere in his bedroom. It suddenly felt as if a great weight had been lifted from Leo's shoulders. He was content to resent Ranvir. Hell, if he were here, Leo would punch his lights out! Not that he actually could, but he'd try! He wasn't mad enough to kill; he'd been there before and he knew what that was like, but this wasn't a time for murder.

“Ladrona is home,” the front door sang. Leo strolled into the living room with a smile on his face.

Ron dumped a bag onto the table and turned to Leo. “WHOA!”

“What?”

“You're smiling!” Ron grinned broadly as she unpacked the snacks. “And here I thought I'd have to tape your mouth into position. You ready to have some fun?”

“Whatever you say, kidnapper.” He gave her a quick kiss on the cheek and retired to his room. “Just gotta grab a few things…”

Ron touched her cheek and stared at his retreating form. Somehow, that small gesture of affection was more unnerving than pleasant. Sure, she kissed him yesterday, but this was such an abrupt attitude change! Alarms were sounding in her head. Could another tragedy have befallen him in the short time she was gone? How could anything have happened? He's been locked in here without communications! She could hear the echo of him whistling a cheery tune. Maybe something good had happened? Maybe he just accepted that he was fated to have fun today?

Well, she'd get to the bottom of his mysterious behavior, but she wouldn't stress him too much yet. The fair beckoned!